You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
