He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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