Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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