It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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