Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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