You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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