So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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