You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize