she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
