i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
