Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
