I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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