In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
