The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
