I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he fucked my hip out of place.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
