After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
