I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
