i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize