Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
