So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize