i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
