I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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