Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
