do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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