theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
