Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Randomize
