smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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