Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
