So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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