Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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