I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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