his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
