do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i love accidental penises.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
