Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
