but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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