i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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