Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
