So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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