Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
