I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
