I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
His hands were made for my vagina.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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