just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She said her name was "party"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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