I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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