I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i now understand why vodka
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
