So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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