Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
