so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
