she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The Olympian is in my bed
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
