Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
