R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
