I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
