u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
