i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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