you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
