Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
