my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I accidentally burped into my bong.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
