You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
false alarm, still single
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