My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
