i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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