Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
