Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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