Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
