I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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