I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
