I will die if light touches me.
birth control should be required to get into college
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
