Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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