yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
