He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
