is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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