need another drink. this is the easiest way
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
