If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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