my shit smells like andre
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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