how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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