if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
