I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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