so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
