So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
a search helicopter?!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
