What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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