Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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