Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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