and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
