Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
