This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
