i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
