Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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