I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
