He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
