Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize