I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
