I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
