So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
