I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
