nut hugger
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
