i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
