This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
