It's like God shit irony all over that family
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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