We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
