she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
